We’ve come so far since that day… and I thought I loved you then….
D and I have been under a lot of stress lately – the house, the wedding, planning and getting things in order for this year’s go at the farm. Money is an ever-present stressor these days (though I suppose, really, when is money not a stressor in some way or another?). This period is testing us to the brim. But the silver lining I’ve come to realize is that we as a couple have grown closer and stronger in it all.
I’ve been starting to wonder if maybe the hidden point of a wedding is to give you a test run in handling the financial aspect of marriage. Between that and the house, it seems all the money we’ll be making in the coming months is already spoken for. And then some. But we’ve been learning the art of marital communication because of it. It’s been forcing us to start learning to lean on one another and support one another when one of us feels too bogged down (admittedly, I tend to be the weakest link more often than not). It is a source of comfort knowing that our relationship is the all the stronger despite all we’ve put on our plates these last few months. I am not so naive to think that we’ve got it all figured out – far from it. But our love has grown deeper and is more real than ever. Call it little victories, call it the silver lining, but there it is.
As ironic as it may seem, the source of this immediate stress is also the source of an inner calm and inner revival. I feel I’m striving on the freshness and the challenge of it, no longer entirely bogged down by the repetitive day-to-dayness of life. That repetition has not disappeared to be sure, but having a renewed outlook on life and goals helps to soften it. I find myself forming smaller goals within the larger ones, and they end up working synergistically to keep each other on track.
D and I and the dogs took an evening walk down along the slough and up past the unsightly newer portion of the gravel pit. It was a beautiful orange-pink sunset and the wind that had ripped and roared for two long days straight had finally deadened to a soft breath. Macroscopically, the earth is still an unlively brown color. But as I looked closer to the ground, I was greeted with brand new little blades of green grases and leaves. The trees were even starting to bud, ever so slightly. Though the weather hasn’t been awful, it’s been sitting in the non-commital stage that sits between winter and spring. These early signs of life are a welcome and hopeful sight. It was a wonderful end to a Sunday.